Midimusic.org.uk Computer Humour, Tech Support: 5.1 Come Again?

Midimusic.org.uk Computer Humour, Tech Support

5.1 Come Again?

Sometimes, especially when conversing on the phone, people misunderstand each other. Sometimes it's funny. Sometimes it's frustrating.

Tech Support: "Ok, why don't you turn off error control and see if that clears the problem up."
Customer: "Turn off AIR control? What the heck is AIR control??"

An instructor in the BASIC programming language was teaching his class how to write a simple program and execute it. When each student had all their program steps keyed in, he told the class to type R-U-N and enter. A lady in the back of the class said that it didn't work. It turned out, when the instructor had said to type R-U-N, she had typed, "are you in."

Tech Support: "Customer Support, this is David, may I help you?"
Customer: "Hello, yes, it's me."
Tech Support: "Oh, it's me too." [chuckle]
Customer: "No, Esmie. E, s, m, i, e."
Tech Support: "Oh, sorry."

Tech Support: "Type 'fix' with an 'f'."
Customer: "Is that 'f' as in 'fix'?"

Tech Support: "Do you have 3 1/2 inch diskettes?"
Customer: "No, I only have 3 of them."

Tech Support: "Type 'A' and press Enter."
Customer: "Didn't work."
Tech Support: "What did it do?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Tech Support: "Hmmm...I'll send you a new set of diskettes."

The problem happened again.

Tech Support: "Hmmm...send me the diskettes back."

They ran perfectly on my machine. I had her print her config.sys and autoexec.bat files, etc. No problems. I called her back.

Tech Support: "Type 'A' and press Enter."

In the background, faintly, I heard these "tickety-tickety" sounds.

Tech Support: "What are you doing?"

It turned out she was typing, "Type A and press Enter." The error message at the bottom of the screen apparently didn't count as "doing anything."

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "Ok."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."

(At this point I had to put the caller on hold to tell the rest of the tech support staff what had happened. I couldn't, however, stop from giggling when I got back to the call.)

Tech Support: "Ok, did you type 'click' with the keyboard?"
Customer: "I have done something dumb, right?"

Tech Support: "Click on 'cancel'."
Customer: "'Capital'?"
Tech Support: "'Cancel'!"
Customer: "It only says 'ok' and 'cancel'."

Customer: "It tries to log in and then gives this error number. I forget what it was...uhm...six one something? Or was it seven...? Four something? Or was it--"
Tech Support: "Ok. Open up 'Dial-Up Networking'."
Customer: "Ok. I double clicked on the icon on my desktop. It's now dialing."
Tech Support: "No sir. Click on 'cancel'."
Customer: "What? There's nothing here that says 'connect'. There's just a 'cancel' button."
Tech Support: "Click on 'cancel' please!"
Customer: "Oh, now it says it couldn't connect due to an error..."
Tech Support: "Click on 'ok' please."
Customer: "...of type 619. I can't click on 'cancel'. There is an 'ok' button."
Tech Support: (sigh) "Click on 'ok' then."

I was showing a new user how to change her password. She was typing the new one in slowly and said to me, "I hope you're not reading my password." I replied that I was the system administrator and didn't need her password. She replied, "That's good to know. I wouldn't want you accessing my stuff."

I work for an ISP. After two calls totaling 45 minutes with one customer, I asked him to bring his computer in and I would configure it myself. He was a bit skeptical, so I assured him that he did not have to bring in the whole computer, just the CPU -- no monitor, cables, mouse or keyboard, just the CPU. He was not sure which part was the CPU, so I told him, "Just bring in the box -- the part with the CD-ROM drive and floppy drive." I explained this twice. Later he arrived with the cardboard box that his computer came in. I asked him where the computer was, he replied, "I thought you just needed to look at the box to see what model it was."

A lady struck up a conversation with me on an airplane.

Her: "And where are you going?"
Me: "I'm going to San Francisco to a UNIX convention."
Her: "Eunuchs convention? I didn't know there were that many of you."

I'm working as a tech support person at a Finnish newspaper printing and publication house, and we have several reporters that submit their files via a dial-in modem line directly to our layout system.

Once one of the reporters wanted to call the tech support because the modem wasn't answering his calls, but the call was answered by a computer illiterate.

Reporter: "It seems that...eh, modem's out again."
Computer Illiterate: "Oh, just a minute. I'll go look for him."

He proceeded to page the whole company through the central P.A. system.

Computer Illiterate: "Mr. Modem, Mr. Modem, there's a call for you."

My co-worker intercepts, trying hard to keep a straight face.

Co-Worker: "Mr. Modem is on vacation. He won't be back till August."

The computer illiterate returns to the phone and tells the reporter that our modem is on vacation till August.

This happened to me several years ago. The phone rang and I picked it up. It was my wife, Kitty, on the other end. She informed me that she was having problems printing out a report on the computer. The system was locked up and would not respond to the keyboard or the mouse.

I told her reboot the system. She did. I heard the printer go through the startup cycle. I asked her to describe what the computer was doing.

Her: "The computer is on, the monitor light is on, and the printer is on!"
Me: "What is on the screen?"
Her: "A box with the instruction: install Kickstart 2.0x."
Me: "Kickstart? When did we get an Amiga?"
Her: "About six months ago? What's the problem?"
Me: "We have an Atari, and we've had it for 18 months."
Her: "What???" (high pitched squeak) "Sorry, wrong number!" (click)